Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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