So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
