It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
