I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
