I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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