Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
