He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
