I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
