and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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