Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
