dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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