Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I just googled if crying burns calories
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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