I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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