Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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