just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
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