I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
