is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
