11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
