I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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