I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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