everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize
