I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
