he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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