did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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