I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
