I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
