Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
