Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
