my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
My bed smells like the plague
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
