i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Found your dick twin last night
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
