I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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