You're my little dorito
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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