We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
