This gyro tastes like lonliness
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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