Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
