Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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