Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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