I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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