My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
