I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
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You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
