are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
