So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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