I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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