K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
