Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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