Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
