I can't watch pbs sober anymore
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
