I am full of burrito and curiosity
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
So I just went to clothing optional bar
The convent might be a nice break from real life
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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