i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
