pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
